The Difference Between a Stoic and an Epicurean
Why Stoics don't retreat
The Epicureans were the enemies of the Stoics. They argued that pleasure was the highest good, not virtue.
In practice though, the life they encouraged was not too dissimilar to Stoicism. The Epicureans recommended a virtuous life because they argued that a virtuous person would feel the most pleasure. The virtuous person is free from jealousy, desire, anger and other painful emotions. Not to mention they would have no enemies out to destroy them.
However, there was one major difference with the Stoics. The Epicureans thought we should separate ourselves from society. They encourage us to avoid having children, and live in a small commune of close friends. Politics is dangerous they would argue. It presents too many opportunities for suffering. Today the Epicurean might be compared to the person living off the grid - self-sufficient and peaceful, but disconnected.
Discourses Book 1 Chapter 23 is a criticism of this Epicurean tendency for isolation.
Epictetus sees this as weakness. You aren’t virtuous enough to navigate politics well, so you avoid it. You are not calm enough to raise your child, so you abandon them.
Epictetus says to his students:
Epicurus…ventures to say that we should not bring up children. But a sheep does not desert its own offspring, nor yet a wolf; and shall a man desert his child?
His point is that we criticize the sheep as dumb, and the wolf as vicious, but both still raise their children. Both still perform their social duties.
The Stoic lesson is this: living with other people is hard. It will lead to mistakes. You will lose your temper and patience. Work will challenge you, and your family will challenge you.
But this is why we need to study philosophy and practice our virtue. Anyone can avoid getting angry by removing themselves from social situations entirely. Our goal is to be a great member of a community, which is a much higher calling.
The Stoics are often criticized for being detached - much more often than the Epicureans. But this is an interesting example of what Stoicism actually asks of us. Stoics do not detach themselves from politics and social pressure so they can feel good. They detach themselves so that they can contribute more effectively, so they can help others.
The Stoic detaches themselves from their child’s tantrums, so they can be a better parent. It is the Epicurean who deserts their difficult child.