Seneca On Embarrassment

A Stoic approach to shame

Caleb

Aug 20, 2024

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🏛️ Theory

Speeches could make or break a man in Rome.

Things haven’t changed. We’ve all heard how important first impressions are. Business leaders and influencers are quick to point out that those first moments when we meet someone – be they a friend, interviewer, or role model – are essential.

Inevitably, we mess up. Not all first impressions go well. Whatever it is – a presentation, meeting, or brief exchange – something is going to go a little wrong.

Seneca wrote about this very issue in his 11th Letter to Lucilius.

To be exact, he talks about blushing while giving a big speech. Today, we could think about stuttering, misspeaking, and other signs of nervousness. As I said, a misstep like this, for a man aiming for Roman honor and prestige, would have been exceptionally embarrassing.

And yet Seneca writes:

Wisdom can never remove this habit; for if she could rub out all our faults, she would be mistress of the universe. Whatever is assigned to us by the terms of our birth and the blend in our constitutions, will stick with us, no matter how hard or how long the soul may have tried to master itself. And we cannot forbid these feelings any more than we can summon them.

Seneca, Moral Letters 11

Some of us are naturally more prone to stutter, put our foot in our mouth, sweat, or simply be nervous. We all have different talents and weaknesses to work through. This is natural.

Even wise men and women must deal with their own awkwardness.

In his Letter, Seneca cites the great men of Rome and their struggles. These were impressive military men who, despite their best efforts, gave speeches to the Roman Senate that sucked.

Yes, first impressions are important. They matter for our careers and relationships. But none of us are perfect. It’s important to focus on the essentials, and not ruminate on past embarrassments or try to eliminate the possibility of future ones.

Dealing with these missteps is part of the path.

You can think of your own role models. They’ve had plenty of embarrassing failures. Use this as a reminder and relax whenever you make a misstep – or are afraid of committing one.

Remember that your role models suffered too. If they are worth their salt they have a treasure chest of cringeworthy moments. But they move forward despite it all. Perhaps they even laugh when looking back.

🎯 Action

Whenever you start to ruminate, refocus your attention on moving forward. Come back to that inner drive to be excellent. To achieve happiness by taking responsibility for what is up to you – and taking joy in what is not.

🔗 Links

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As always, reach out to us if you’d like to use Stoa, but truly cannot afford it.

🎧️ In a previous letter, I spoke about using Stoicism to combat nervousness in the moment in order to prepare for a martial arts tournament. Well, here’s the outcome.