Our lives are not our own

Beyond individualism and collectivism

May 26, 2025

Some see Stoicism as a highly individualistic philosophy.

According to the Stoics, we alone are responsible for whether or not we live a good life. We can be happy in any circumstance. Our happiness doesn’t depend on external things – including other people. When we consider these ideas, Stoicism seems like a philosophy of self-reliance. How could it not be? It promotes radical agency and accountability.

But in many other senses, Stoicism goes beyond the self. We are not islands. We live in a network. Each of us plays a part in a larger whole. Our lives are simply one drop in an ocean of a larger whole. This is why Marcus Aurelius says:

We are made for cooperation, like feet, like hands, like eyelids, like the rows of the upper and lower teeth.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 2.1

Think of another one of the key Stoic ideas: how we think determines how we experience the world. It’s not things in themselves that harm us, but our opinions of them. As Seneca says:

Everything depends on opinion; ambition, luxury, greed, hark back to opinion.
Moral Letters 78

According to Stoic psychology, we reflect on our experience and form judgments about how to respond. Our responses determine who we are. But the question is – how do we reflect? With tools we have received from others. We live through other people’s thoughts. We learn by imitating everyone around us. Not just their behaviors, but their opinions too. Our very ideas of ambition, luxury, or greed are social and constituted by the judgements of others.

So, Stoicism places an immense amount of power and accountability in us. We alone are responsible for our happiness. That’s empowering. At the same time, all of us are inseparable from the network we make up. We’re sovereign, but not separate. Our stories are inseparable from the epic they compose.

Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.
David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas

An event you may be interested in: Michael will be hosting a dialogue on Stoic Wisdom with Evolve Magazine on Friday, May 9th.