Five ways to ruin Stoicism for everyone, including yourself

Stoicism without spirit

Stoicism is a powerful philosophy. It’s transformed millions of people’s lives. So, it’s unfortunate when someone rejects the philosophy out of hand because of some Stoic’s obnoxious behavior.

There are ways to push people away from Stoicism before they’ve really given it a go. Here are 5 to avoid.

Promote Stoicism for the wrong reasons.

This is the kind of thing you might find on YouTube. Use Stoicism to get ahead. Get rich, get powerful, get hot, and get there fast.

At its best, this way of promoting Stoicism serves as a gateway drug – come for the life hacks, stay for the life philosophy. But the materialistic pitch for Stoicism is simply shallow. People don’t explore the depth of the philosophy, but instead market it as a route to fame, fortune, and pleasure.

Obviously that’s not what philosophy is about, but anyone looking for more than life hacks will come away with the wrong idea if all they encounter is fake Stoicism.

Overpromise the benefits

Instead, Stoicism is about reshaping one’s soul. It impacts people’s lives by changing their character.

The French philosopher Pierre Hadot demonstrated how Stoicism is full of spiritual exercises. This terminology is intentional – these are exercises meant to shape one’s spirit and craft it into something higher.

Marcus Aurelius is communicating something true when he says:

Within ten days you will seem a god to those to whom you are now a beast and an ape, if you will return to your principles and the worship of reason.

Meditations, 4:16

The truth is that philosophy promises radical transformation, but the line can be misleading. Just practice Stoicism for 10 days and you’ll be good, right?

Stoicism is demanding and it teaches that we shouldn’t expect to live up to its promise right away.

You will not become invincible overnight, or perhaps ever. If someone comes to Stoicism with that expectation, they may be setting themselves up for failure. After experiencing this disappointment, they may leave for good.

So be careful of overpromising. That can result in discouragement for yourself and others. Stoicism doesn’t promise immediate change, it requires years of practice.

Stoicism for thee, but not for me

Stoic practice is focused on self-improvement. You have power over yourself, not others. That’s why Epictetus counseled, in the Discourse titled That we ought not to be angry with the errors (faults) of others:

And I do not say, that you are not allowed to groan, but do not groan inwardly.

Discourses, 18.1

Sometimes pushing someone towards Stoicism is the right thing to do. But often it is annoying.

Yes, other people should realize that it’s not things in themselves that upset them, but their own opinions. But, equally, we need to remember that we don’t live in a fantasy world where everyone has done that. And pointing out that they should be more Stoic isn’t a winning strategy. So, sympathize with people. Share Stoicism with care.

Remember that as it is a shame to be surprised if the fig-tree produces figs, so it is to be surprised if the world produces such and such things of which it is productive; and for the physician and the helmsman it is a shame to be surprised, if a man has a fever, or if the wind is unfavourable.

Meditations, 8.15

Don’t meet people where they are.

There’s a stereotype of Stoics and it’s safe to say that it doesn’t bring to mind someone who is the life of the party.

Instead, the caricature of a Stoic is someone who is dry, cold, and unexpressive.

Stoic writing is laconic, serious, and, when it is funny, it’s dry. As someone who is analytical and not exactly warm, perhaps I fit that stereotype too well.

On the margin, many Stoics can have more fun. A Stoic is energetic and vital. Full of life. That’s essential.

What this looks like depends on who you are. The Stoic Cato the Younger was known as a serious and harsh man. But he would also have drinking parties with his friends and discuss philosophy late into the night. He knew when to be serious and brought a measure of seriousness to his levity, but what’s important is that he was energetic and spirited.

Be a hypocrite

This is probably the biggest one. There’s nothing people can’t stand more than hypocrisy.

Seneca was a poster boy for this. He was wealthy, politically powerful, allied with a tyrant, and yet preached the virtues of philosophy. He doesn’t seem as admirable as the Stoic opposition – men and women who gave their lives to resist Nero’s tyranny. Now, Seneca’s a complicated figure. He had his reasons for what he did. But his case serves as a warning.

Often the error of inconsistency is combined with others. We preach tranquility for others, but become frustrated with them. We praise virtue, while hiding vice. We claim Stoicism without living up to it.

We would all benefit from remembering what Seneca admitted about himself, namely, that he was sick and that all of his philosophizing about how to cure the diseases of the soul was done from a sick bed. None of us are truly healthy.

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A final note.

It’s not always a bad thing to turn someone off of Stoicism. There’s no philosophy that pleases everyone all the time. Epictetus said that practicing philosophy was like going to the hospital. It should be unpleasant. Many people aren’t willing to face that yet. But we should do our best to avoid alienating others for bad reasons.